I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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