Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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