you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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