i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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