My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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