woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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