i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
