Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
