Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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