I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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