I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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