i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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