Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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