I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
