My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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