I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
