We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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