Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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