I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
