I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
