I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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