You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize