I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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