I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
