Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
