Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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