Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
