Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
