She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
