Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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