don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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