Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
