Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i think my mom watched the whole time
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
