I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i now understand why vodka
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
