went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
