Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
