sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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