You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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