i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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