I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
