stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize