i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
