Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
