But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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