ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
