I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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