After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
