The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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