there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
