I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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