Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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