...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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