I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
sex in a hospital.. check
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
