I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
