how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
