Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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