sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
