My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
